_liar_ @ 11:11pm: broken answering machine

What have I fucking
done? I keep dissolving into nervous laughter and something that might be a
grin whenever I think about it. Really, I'm the
last person who should be attempting to have emotions involving another person, especially at this point.
I have a girlfriend.
Seriously, I think a scan might be in order, in case this is all just a symptom of brain bleeding brought on by gross mistreatment of my body with drugs and alcohol. Don't shake your heads, it's entirely possible that this turn toward 'sanity' is in fact just my mind taking derangement
so far afield that it somehow comes round back again into something resembling order.
In any case, it's fuel for my creativity to burn.
I keep shifting violently between black defeatist moods and those of surprising optimism. Strange territory. She is so much like me, yet she has a libido and can express emotions coherently and without the use of props/diagrams like a fucking child...so quite different in other areas. The masturbatory implications of dating someone too much like oneself is also bothersome to me, though honestly being pale and thin will always be in.
I DEMAND some goddamn wine, right now.
Fuck. The thing is...she knows I find this whole affair bewildering, and she still wants to be around me. I don't enjoy feeling like I have BRAIN DAMAGE, damnit!
Current Mood: -
Current Music: OMD